I used to joke that “I come from a long line of worriers”, thereby giving me a licence to lie awake at night worrying about someone or something that had had an impact on me that day or indeed 3 weeks beforehand. Even in my Junior Infant report (aged 4) my Teacher very perceptively wrote, “Anna is a worrier”. When I found this report years later, rather than looking at it & thinking OH MY GOD I actually wore it as a badge of honour.

A few years back I started to think about how much time I was spending worrying about things that were never going to happen. I could see members of my family suffering the same ‘fate’ & I thought, is this really me or is this something that I have learnt from those who have nurtured me? The best question that I began asking myself when I would feel the cogs of my brain churning, along with my stomach, was “What is the worst thing that can happen?”. Now, I have quite a developed imagination so my worst case scenario usually included machete’s and headless people so when I realised that that was not going to be the reality, I could feel the knot in my stomach releasing just a little bit.

I began to watch for the people and situations in my life that acted like triggers for my worrying and as they presented themselves I would make a choice of how I was going to react to them. Sometimes I would get it wrong & be too harsh in my responses; sometimes I would fall back into my usual pattern but sometimes I got it right & I developed a protective sheath around my emotions. This doesn’t mean to say that I don’t worry any more or that I have become a hardened, bitter person but I definitely feel more in control of how I react & respond to things that would have usually sent me into a tizzy of negative emotions. 

I’m fortunate to be working as part of a team in Seachange Now where we are encouraged to hold a mirror up to ourselves, while being fundamentally supported when these personal questions arise. How was my worrying affecting my performance in the team? Was it having a negative impact on those around me? By my worrying, was I creating an element of fear within a team which predominantly believes in abundance? I find it really interesting when we start to think about how our nurtured emotions can impact those people that we spend most of our time with: our Team.

The majority of the things that we worry about will never happen. It’s important for us all to remember that. So, if that is the case, what other emotion could we spend our energy on? What things are you holding onto because that is what you have grown up thinking & believing? It’s worth asking yourself the question…is that really who I am?

Call Seachange Now on +353 1 230 3577 if you would like to help your team to be the best in your industry. www.seachangenow.ie
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Seachange Now is a world leader in team development. By combining executive coaching, team workshops, training and our own propitiatory assessment software The 5 States, we help business teams to become the very best in their industry.  
(Photo courtesy of Google Images)

One of the philosophies that we use in the Seachange Now is that “All are my equal” and given our current situation never has that been more true. This pandemic has no social class; it doesn’t single out any particular race or creed; it has affected royalty and those who are the most vulnerable in our society. Covid 19 has been the biggest leveller of our time.

So, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage? 

Everyone is saying things are going to change so much post-Covid but that seems to be where the conversation ends! What does that change actually look like for us as individuals? We have this amazing opportunity right now to choose what aspects of our belief systems do we want to hold onto post-Covid and also are there any beliefs that we could do with getting rid of? Are they holding us back in some way?

As human beings our fundamental desires are to be loved and to be enough or valued. If we hold the belief that we are less than someone else, how can we ever achieve that desire to be enough?

Likewise, if we hold the belief that we are better than someone else, how easy will we be to love? Or indeed to give love – will anyone ever be good enough?

When we truly believe that all are my equal our empathy for each other as human beings improve. When we see others as mirror images of ourselves, we can easily step into their shoes and try to see the world as they see it. It is a very freeing feeling to believe that nobody is better or worse than you. You are starting from a level playing field in the relationship if both are invested in an equal way.

For example, suddenly, that presentation in front of the Board of Directors that you have been agonising over for weeks doesn’t seem so daunting. When you start to see the world through their eyes, you can see that they too have fears, some which they have overcome, but others that may be holding them back. When we show our vulnerability and decide that being vulnerable is actually a strength, rather than a weakness, we can logically decide that even if we make a mistake, at least we will have done our best.

Like many of you over the last couple of months, a daily walk or two has become the norm. I have loved seeing people out walking in their casual gear, clearly on work calls but surrounded by whinging kids and barking dogs. These individuals, usually donning something more formal, usually dynamic, possibly even feared, are behaving in a very human and equal way. I find this so refreshing – perhaps on the other side of the phone is empathy, understanding and maybe even homework being supervised!

So, what do you want to change post-Covid 19? Do you have a limiting belief where you either feel inferior or superior to somebody around you? Use this pause in our usual busy lives to reflect on whether that is serving you or not. Only you can choose to be just enough.
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#seachangenow #coaching #5States #allaremyequal

Have you ever walked away from a situation or a conversation wishing that you could undo your reaction; that you could take back what you said or did? Elvis Presley was onto something when he sang “Wise Men Say only Fools Rush In”
This is the difference between choosing to react or respond to things. Oftentimes we jump in with both feet (react) without considering the impact of our actions, either on other people or indeed on ourselves. If we add stress to the situation, this gets even more infused. Reacting is knee-jerk – an instinct; usually one with no filter. When we respond to a situation, we are far more composed. There may even be a mindful pros & cons list developed internally.

As a Coach I love working on the power of the pause with my clients. We focus on recognising the triggers when they arise & then come up with some tricks to help create a gap before responding. I find it so empowering and exciting to think that just by taking a breath, a matter of seconds, we have the choice to either react or respond to a situation. 

In the current online work-world, we’re finding that people are rushing to action very quickly. The world of Zoom & Teams has become very task focused. Obviously we are all very aware of people getting fatigued by online meetings so there is the need to keep things succinct however there can be a downside to this. When we move too fast to action and don’t spend enough time on why we are doing something, inevitably we don’t get the outcome we were hoping for. 

When our eldest son was 8, I went to his first parent teacher meeting since moving back to Ireland from living in Switzerland. He’d had a rude awakening to the local school system over there so we were really concerned as to how he was settling in. When I asked how he was socialising his teacher replied “Fools rush in & your son is no fool”. I was amazed! Eight years later I am still amazed – how did he get to be so clever? 

Now, I am no fool either but I am definitely a rusher-inner! I have often found myself in situations where my hand is up offering myself before the request has even been finished. This is something that I continuously work on and I have resigned myself to the fact that it will probably be a lifelong challenge…as I sign up to another school social committee J
So breathe, take that pause, regain your composure and as a team, spend time discussing the ‘why’ before you develop the action plan. It saves time & energy in the long run.

Have you found any good techniques to help you respond rather than react?

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anna@seachangenow.ie
www.seachangenow.ie

Did you ever look back on the ‘near misses’ of your life? The job opportunity that you thought was the be all and end all that you didn’t get? The relationship that at the time, you thought it was ‘the one’ but broke your heart? 

At the time these experiences that don’t turn out the way that we want them to, can feel like a failure to us. However, it is only a failure if we don’t get back up on the horse! When we are in the middle of this situation it is really hard to see the wood for the trees and we can get caught up in a ‘poor me’ mentality. And rightly so! It’s perfectly fine to take some time to wallow & feel sorry for yourself but the main thing is that you don’t spend too much time there. 

When one door closes, another one opens – if we are staring too hard at the closed door in front of us then we might miss the opening door behind us. As Tony Robbins says – “energy flows where the focus goes” so when we are feeling sorry for ourselves and focusing too much on that closed door we are inviting more negativity into our lives. By dusting ourselves off and trying to find the learning in our ‘near misses’ we bring much more positive energy. And positivity is like Velcro – the more positive you are the more good things come your way and the more doors open for you.

Everything is an experiment. Only we, as the complex human beings that we are, decide whether it is a success or a failure. When you start to really believe that everything is an experiment you can choose to learn from it. For example, what would you do differently in the next interview for an even better job? Or what were the personality traits of that person that you would like to see in the next relationship that you enter into? There is a learning in everything, you just need to look for it.

As you can tell, I am quite fond of the old proverbs but it’s because usually they are true! There have been so many times in my life where things haven’t gone my way but pretty quickly something even better or more suited to me would land on my lap – one door closed and another one opened.

So take a bit of time to reflect on the ‘near misses’ of your life that have brought you to the place that you are right now. What did you learn from them? What did you do differently as a result of that experiment? Or if you are going through something difficult at the moment keep an eye out for that opening door & please remove ‘failure’ from your vocabulary – it is merely a future ‘near miss’.
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#coaching #seachangenow #nearmisses #meaningfullife
www.seachangenow.ie
anna@seachangenow.ie

​Are you an Introvert, an Extrovert or somewhere in between? In the past it was suggested that we are either one or the other but in the words of Carl Jung there is “No such thing as pure introvert or extrovert - such a person would be in the lunatic asylum”!

The more people I speak with as a Coach the more true this has become for me. The term 'ambivert' means that many of us are a mixture of both introversion & extroversion. While we may be happy working in an open plan office for example, we are also comfortable with spending time alone in our own thoughts.

By definition, Introverts can recharge their own batteries. In fact spending time alone in thought is the perfect way to re-energise as an Introvert. Introverts think to speak - the process must be well thought out before the words come out. For Introverts, the biggest fears are confrontation & embarrassment so the well thought out process makes sense when you view it through this filter. Introverts can use past experience for present decision making.

Extroverts, on the other hand, get energy from outside of themselves. They speak to think - only when the thoughts are out of the head do they make sense or not. Extroverts biggest fears are losing control & being disapproved of. Extroverts are future focussed so they often make quick decisions asking for forgiveness rather than permission.
“Extroverts cannot understand life until they have lived it…Introverts cannot live life until they understand it” - Isobel Briggs Myers

So, given all that logic, an ambivert is a mix of both. What are you? Do you find that depending on the situation you can dip into both? Can you recognise when your introverted/extroverted energies need to be recharged? The really important thing to realise and appreciate for all is that neither is better than the other. We all have a place and we all have a purpose and as Susan Cain beautifully says, we all have our time to shine.
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​Creating behavioural change is not easy, as anyone who has tried will validate! It begins with acknowledging that you actually need to make a change in the first place which can be difficult. Why would I change after all these years?? Haven't I always behaved this way and aren't I grand??? After a coaching session with Brendan a few months ago, I figured out that I wasn't as grand as I thought I was! I decided to work on a couple of areas of my personality that just weren't serving me anymore.

It is estimated that it takes approx. 66 days to create or break a habit so I knew that there was going to be a bit of falling off the wagon during this time. I downloaded the 5 States Tracker App to help remind myself of the things that I had set out to change. I set the tracker to question me every day at 5.30pm on whether I had achieved my goal that day or not.
Sometimes I agreed wholeheartedly that yes, I had knocked it out of the ballpark that day, but on many other days I couldn't put my hand on my heart to say that I had achieved my intentions. But rather than giving up, I knew that I would be getting that notification again the following day at 5.30pm so I would try again and again. The app almost acted like an accountability buddy - I didn't want to let it down!!

As the 66th day approached I noticed that the ballpark days became more frequent & my behaviours became more habitual. I will probably revert to type at times of stress or strife in my life but even the realisation that I can change has been hugely reaffirming for me.

With our new ways of working many clients that I am speaking with at the moment are finding that they are working way more hours at home than they would be if they were in the office. One suggestion that some are finding useful is setting the 5 States Tracker App in the evening. This has a double benefit. It reminds you of your goals but it can also be an alarm to punctuate your workday. Everyone agrees that structure and routine are key to bringing some balance into our lives at the moment - every trick & tool helps :) 

You can download the app here: 
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.seachange.tracker&gl=IE (Android)
https://apps.apple.com/ie/app/5-states-tracker/id1484981928 (Apple)
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If you would like any help in setting up your questions/goals please do get in touch: anna@seachangenow.ie
#coachinghelps #5States #seachangenow #meaningfullife #behaviouralchange